


My Difficult Life as the Best Detective Ever

by FeralPrince56



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: As in goro write self-insert fanfiction and it’s fucking terrible, M/M, crackfic, look i said the words judas holmes in shuake hell and they forced me to write this, okay they didn't force me i suggested to write this and i apologise to everyone but mostly myself, self-insert fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:34:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29820156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeralPrince56/pseuds/FeralPrince56
Summary: Goro Akechi does not have a single creative bone in his body and absolutely no time to do a proper edit. So what does he do when the Thieves get in his way a little too much? Write a vent piece about it of course.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 7
Kudos: 17





	My Difficult Life as the Best Detective Ever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lia404](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lia404/gifts).



It wasn’t exactly uncommon for Akechi to have a day so long and so tiring he’d walk through the front door of his apartment and consider just collapsing in his bed and waking up twelve hours later, morning classes be dammed. Not that he’d actually be able to fall asleep once he got into bed.

So instead, he does what he always did to forget about the perils of his daily life and takes a seat in front of his laptop, only light shining from the lamp above him and the glow from the city pouring through his window.

_Now._

_Where were we?_

* * *

Judas Holmes would never back down from a fight.

these dastardly theievs had no idea what they were in for when they had to face off against the greatest detective of alll time.

Juads, wearing his unique beige detective coat and brown hat, leans back against his chair, watching the theives from afar while drinking the delicious,brown liquid in front of him that was his coffee.

These tiheves standing in the distance had no idea theyre greatestg enemy was sitting just a few feet away, observing there misdeeds from a distance.

but even for judas it was hard to concentrate when observing the beautiful phnatom thief form afar.

He had dark ebony hair, glistening black orbs for eyes, hidden behind his thick glasses.

He was perfect, but no, judas could never fall for him.

Theyr enemies, aren’t they?

Their love could never work in this world.

He was but a thief and the other was a super famous detective.

Their relationship was inmpossible and his career would be ruined if anyone found out about his feelings.

There was the blonde rude one and judas didnt like him.

he was always revelaing their secrets and making this job way too boring.

Juads wanted adventure and not be told who the criminals were, handed on a shiny silvefr platter like these theives were.

It wasnt fair.

life wasnt fair.

~~Then there was another blonde one and juads was not jealus of her.~~

~~She was very pretty and had very nice hair and very pretty blue eyes,~~

~~as blue as the ocean, but he was not jealous.~~

~~But the leader was around herall the time and judas didn’t like that because it wasnt fair and he should be around him all the time instead.~~

* * *

Akechi had to stop writing right there. No, that didn’t sound quite right. Was he letting his feelings pour into his writing now? That wasn’t his intention, he merely wanted to vent his frustrations and write a piece reflecting his own situation, not confess to that idiotic leader. He’d have to rephrase this somehow…

* * *

There was another blonde one and judas thought she was nice but also stupid.

The other blond one was also stupid if that wasnt obvious.

This blonde one ate sweets all the time but would somehow never gain weight and goro never saw her actually work out so how was that even possible.,

Suddenly they all look in his direction and he tries to hide away from their staring but heres nothing to hide behind so he stands up and walks to thm with great speed, “hello thieves, what brings you here today?’ he asks in his deep voice.

“we r here 2 steal hearts”

the blond one says but the other blond one hits him

“we r hangin out, y do u care mr detective don’t u have cats 2 save or something”

“that’s firemen id don’t save cats I solve mysteries.

Why are you here” he asks, looking intensely into the eyes of his rival.

The other takes a step back meaning that judas has defiantly won this battle of wits this time around.

“im hanging out with my friends. Was there something you wanted?”

The tone that he used was not easy to read but since judas was the worlds greatest detective he knew exactly what the leader wanted, “I wished gto speak with you”

he looks at the other two thives to make sure they knew he was being serious, “privatey”

The leader nods and the other two walk away.

When they are not looking in his direction, judas raises his middle fingee at them.

now was his chance to do what he finally wanted.

He slams the leader against the wall and starts to sloppily makeout with him.

it was really really hot.

He leans diwn and bites his neck and draws blood but he likes the taste cos hes a vampire so its okay

“judas pls we cant what if ur boss finds out.”

“its okay”

“no this is wrong”

“if this is wrong then I don’t want to be right”

* * *

It was nearing midnight and Akechi had a tough day ahead of him. Classes all day, interviews in the afternoon and more work for Niijima in the evening. He calls it a day, destressed thanks to his writing and prepares to go to bed.

Just as he’s turning the lights off, his phone lights up and vibrates, signalling a message. Tired, he picks up his phone and without unlocking it and reads the notification.

From: Unknown

‘Here I was hoping to find some incriminating evidence but no, I find your shitty self-insert fanfic instead. For the love of god just fucking tell him you love him and spare me any more pain. Even this is too sad for me to use as blackmail. Love, your very uncomfortable hacker Oracle.’

**Author's Note:**

> I have some regrets
> 
> If you enjoyed this shitposting or rightfully want to scream at me for creating this monstrosity (no I won't blame you) hmu on FeralPrince56 on twitter/tumblr


End file.
